It is hard to write this but I am in a moment of being ok so I feel like I better do this now and get it over with. We had a tragic accident yesterday. LG and I were in the backyard playing baseball while Andy painted and Carson sat in his exerscaucer. I threw the ball to LG and when she swung the bat our dog Bella jumped at the ball and LG hit her in her head. She hit the ground and was dead instantly. She did not suffer AT ALL. That is my only saving grace at this point. I have been crying on and off for two days. I didn't sleep last night and haven't really eaten much. My stomach is in knots and my mind just races with all the things that could have been done differently.
I was SUPER protective of Bella and that is putting it mildly so everything reminds me of her, i.e. when something hits the floor, I think "where's Bella" because she would have been right there to snatch it up and run off with it, when we open the door, I think "where's Bella" because she would run out if you weren't careful. She slept right beside me so it was hard not having her there last night.
Friday night I went to the movies with a friend and got home around 11:45 pm. Everyone was asleep. Bella was in "our" spot in the bed. I got in the bed and she came up and licked me in the face. I whispered to her, "One day I asked your daddy why you always had to be right beside me and he said because I am your mama and he's right, I am your mama." She licked me again and I pulled the covers up and she went under them and went to sleep right against my side. God is so good! We had that special moment that I will never forget. I miss her so much. She was crazy but as Andy said, "she loved us and we loved her." Heaven is a little crazier today.
And LG is OK. She had a hard time understanding at first that Bella is in Heaven FOREVER but she is already asking if she can have a guinea pig or a fish. I think we'll start with the fish. :)