Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A little honesty here

I thought it would be beneficial for me to document the feelings that I'm having right now~I mean, not at this very moment but at this current stage in my life.
Andy asked me yesterday if I was OK. I said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He said I seemed a little depressed. I didn't think I was acting any different but on my drive to cooking club last night, I took some time to reflect. I realized that I have been a little down lately. I am usually super excited about the holidays and decorating and all the activities that come with the busyness of the season but this year I just can't seem to get into it. 
I am unhappy in our current living situation. I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of traveling. You know, that feeling that you are a little unorganized but all will be well once you get "home." Well, at this particular moment I don't really have a home. All of my things are in storage. We packed EVERYTHING. I wanted to take only the necessities, knowing that the apartment wouldn't be big enough for much. That has left me feeling very unorganized, which if you know me at all, you know I thrive on being organized~almost to a fault. 
So what to do? I thought about it alot last night and I talked to Andy about it this morning on the drive to work. Andy reminded me that we prayed for this~we wanted to sell our house and build another. We knew that there would be a time of transition in between. We should be thankful that we have a place to live, when so many don't. We are healthy, we are together, and it is not permanent. So many times I say things but don't truly have it deeply rooted in my heart. For example, not long ago, when I posted about our new, less than sizable apartment, I said that "as long as we were together, wherever we were was home." But how can I feel the way I do now if I truly believed that deep within my heart?
I am on a mission now to find the positive in the situation and try to find joy in each day. It is my personality to think about "what if" but TODAY I'm going to think about "what IS" and thank God for all that He has blessed us with.
He is my refuge and strength~Psalm 46:1.
Can I get an AMEN??!!!! :)   

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